The Hostess
by DianeB
Summary: Set after the episode "The Host." The newly-joined Trill searches her own heart - with a little help from Will Riker. And Beverly Crusher makes a decision. Caution: Femslash lite.


Title: The Host(ess)  
Author: DianeB  
Rating: PG

Summary: Written in 1998 (and revised in March, 2005), this story is set immediately after the Next Gen episode "The Host." The Trill searches her own heart.

Author's Note: Here's my attempt to reconcile some of the information we learned about Trills in that episode with subsequent info we learned later from Jadzia Dax. It will never match, of course – especially those darn spots and that rule about _reassociation_ – but we do what we can. Besides, I wanted an ending _I_ liked! In doing so, if I muddied the Trill waters, so be it!

Disclaimer: Paramount, er, CBS owns it all. I accept this.

* * *

"Odan, I _do_ love you. Please remember that," Crusher said, struggling to keep the tremor from her voice.

**oOo oOo oOo**

Kareel Odan reached over and took Crusher's hand, holding it palm up and pressing her lips to the inside of her wrist, the way she knew _Tilor_ Odan had done. There was so much Humans did not know about Trills.

"I will _never_ forget you." Kareel turned and walked out of the office, feeling Crusher's eyes on her back. Damn! She fought with herself all the way to the turbolift, wanting to turn around, but knowing she could not. She entered the lift, deep into remembering the conversation of the past few minutes. No matter what Crusher had said in tones of dismissal, Kareel had felt the doctor trembling when she kissed her wrist, had seen Beverly's cheeks flush with the kiss. Perhaps she should have lingered there and let her breath play longer on that slim wrist. Perhaps she should return – and decided right then that she _would_ return. She even went so far as to step forward and open her mouth to ask that the lift doors reopen. At that same moment, a disembodied voice, impatient for her to make a decision about her destination, requested one.

This abrupt intrusion into her sudden silent determination brought Kareel spiraling back to reality. She would gain nothing by going back to Beverly. Instead, she backed up and thumped hard against the wall of the lift, obliging the persistent voice by requesting the forward lounge on Deck Ten. As the turbolift began to move, she began to reflect on _her_ feelings, Kareel's, _not_ Odan's, as difficult as it was to make the distinction.

She knew Odan loved Crusher with an intensity the symbiont had not felt in many years. And that was exactly the problem. Normally, a recently-transferred Trill symbiont would easily be able to hold back some of its emotional baggage until the new host was fully acclimated, particularly if the new host happened to be fresh out of initiate training and of the opposite sex from the previous host.

But because of the unconventional circumstances of Odan's transfer, including its time spent inside Will Riker and the subsequent night with Doctor Crusher, the symbiont was unable to hold anything back. It flooded Kareel with the memories of every taste of Beverly Crusher, every passionate moment, every heated touch. The instant Kareel awoke from the joining, she knew it all. And she was utterly powerless to do anything but allow the symbiont's memories and feelings to become her own. She was completely, blindingly in love with Beverly Crusher and had no idea how she was going to leave her, even though she knew it was the only choice she had.

The turbolift stopped. She exited, still lost in her thoughts, and literally ran smack into Commander Riker.

"Whoa there!" Riker favored her with his trademark grin as he steadied her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Commander. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." Kareel swallowed hard against the sudden tightness in her throat. Tears were much closer than she wanted.

"It looked like you weren't paying attention to where you were, _period_, Odan." Riker paused, on the verge of chuckling, and studied her, his mood changing suddenly and his brow crinkling with concern. "Hey, are you all right?"

"Please call me Kareel, Commander." That came out sharper than she intended so she smiled to soften it. This man had risked his life to save the Odan symbiont and had helped to prevent a political disaster to boot. In spite of her best effort to prevent it, a single tear escaped and she wiped it away with her fingertips. There would be no sense in denying anything to this man.

"I was just thinking about Doctor Bev…Crusher…Beverly." She sighed and looked down at the Starfleet-issue carpeting. "I was just thinking about Beverly." Lifting her head back to Riker, she found to her relief that this simple admission eased the ache in her throat and pushed back the threatening tears.

Riker had the courtesy to look away a moment, obviously realizing from which direction she had come. "My turn to apologize, Kareel. And please call me Will." He turned and motioned towards Ten-Forward. "Would you join me for a drink?"

Kareel smiled. "I would like that very much, Will."

They stepped into the lounge and took a seat across from one another in an alcove by a small circular window. Ben came to their table and stood by quietly as they made their decisions.

"Risan spring water, please," Kareel requested, staring vacantly at the little patch of starfield beyond the window.

"I'll have the same, Ben. Thanks."

Ben smiled and drifted towards the bar to get their drinks.

Riker looked over at the Trill. "Kareel, I don't need Deanna's empathy to sense how painful this must be for you. I know how much Odan loved Beverly, and how much she loved him. It's just that it's never been easy for us Humans to accept change – and the kind of change the Trill make is almost beyond our comprehension." The corners of his mouth turned upward briefly at this, as he reached across the table to place his hand over hers. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Kareel dragged her gaze from the window. "You have already done more than your share for me, Comman—Will. The dispute between Peliar's moons has been settled, and I could not have done it without you." She looked away again, but not before Riker saw the tears she could no longer keep at bay.

Ben returned at that moment, placed the drinks in front of them, and departed, all in one smooth, silent maneuver. Guinan was teaching him well.

"Well, thank you," Riker said with a hint of amusement, taking back his hand to encircle his drink. "But that's not exactly what I was referring to." He took a short swallow of the cold water and put the glass down carefully on the napkin it had come with.

She could no longer look at him, but spoke thickly. "I love her, Commander. Me. Kareel. Though I speak for Odan, and there's no question of the symbiont's devotion, I'm speaking now just for myself. Even if I wasn't joined with Odan, I know I could love her. _Would_ love her. Being joined with Odan has only made it worse. Oh, no, I don't mean worse, I mean more intense, no, I-I mean…" Words abandoned her, replaced with the tears that overtook her. She brought her hands up to cover her face, her slight frame shaking with noiseless sobs pulled from deep within her.

Riker stood and came around to kneel in front of her. As he rose again, he gathered her into his arms and moved deeper into the alcove, to protect her from curious eyes. She stood in the circle of his arms, dampening the front of his uniform with her tears. Finally, after some moments, she took a deep, ragged breath and stepped back from Riker, dabbing at her eyes and nose with the napkin from beneath her drink.

"Thank you, Commander," she said with a bleak smile and a sniffle, patting his wet uniform. "You've rescued me again." She wadded the napkin into a tight little ball and continued. "There's really nothing I can do now except move on. I knew when I was chosen to be Odan's host that this kind of thing could happen, though I admit I didn't expect it to be quite so consuming. It was all covered in my training. Time will pass, and my love for Beverly will fade to a bittersweet memory that I will pass on to the _next_ host. It's all part of who we are, Commander.

"The best thing for me is to return to the Trill homeworld and get on with my life and my career, even though right now it hurts like a _son of a bitch_." She reverted to her native tongue to spit out that last, but figured Riker could translate without needing the Universal Translator. She heard his commbadge beep.

_Number One_, Picard's voice came clearly to her, _I hate to disturb you while you're off duty, but I need you on the bridge._

Riker cast her an apologetic look. "Kareel, I'm…"

"It's all right, Commander, I understand. Go do your job. I'll be okay." At his raised eyebrow, she took his hand and squeezed it. "Really, I will." She released his hand and sat down, dropping the balled-up napkin onto the table, and reaching for her drink. She turned again to the window as Riker moved away.

**oOo oOo oOo**

Riker was walking out just as Crusher was walking in. They stopped and spoke a moment. Riker turned and pointed discreetly to the shadowed alcove. Crusher touched Riker's arm and they parted.

**oOo oOo oOo**

Beverly approached the alcove without a sound, but with great trepidation. She looked down at the Trill, who had obviously not realized she was there.

"May I sit down…Kareel?"

The Trill looked up, startled by the unexpected sound of the familiar voice. Her "Doctor Beverly" was standing there, as unbelievable as that seemed. Crusher was holding a long-stemmed, dark red rosebud, and she was smiling tentatively, as if she were afraid she would be rejected.

As if Odan, in eight lifetimes, would ever reject her. Kareel reached out and took the rose, returning the smile twofold. She started to rise, but Crusher shook her head, her beautiful copper hair swaying with the motion, and instead pulled Riker's chair around and sat beside her.

In the dim light you could just see two heads bending towards each other.

End


End file.
